This thing we call life

So It is 12:40 am and I am still not even close to heading to bed. Here are some random bullet points of my life:

I work like crazy, but love the work I do like crazy more

I have a cool roommate, I feel partly like I am back on the mission

I had my first real crush and it lasted 2 days...Don't ask

I feel closer to God and have peace in my life more than ever.

I am becoming me again, and some love that, some don't but it feels good to make that choice.

I used 6800 minutes on my cell last month. Maybe another cell phone strike is needed?

The more I learn, the more I know I know less.

Every day I go to work, I am more dedicated to finding better ways of helping people with Autism.

I don't spend enough time with my friends, but I want to more.

I also need new friends.

Me and my mom may fly to Vegas to see "LOVE", it would be the first time in 14 years we have gone on vacation together.

Well, the thoughts just stopped flying, so that's good for tonight. Maybe I will write a blog where I try to be insightful again someday. For now this is all you get ;)

A more libral UT

So lately I have been having a desire to move far away from "Zion". It just stopped feeling like home like it once did.

BUT!!! To make things clear, I do not plan on moving. I have just decided that I need to make Utah feel like home again.

Home to me...Home is a place I feel accepted. I think I felt so accepted in Utah for so long is because I was an all star Mormon. Active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints feel very accepted in Utah. The hard thing for me now is that I believe God wants more for me than just being a member of a church. I believe he wants me to use my talents to help all kinds of people around me.

Church may not be my whole life anymore, but know I still know God and love Him. I also know he loves me.

My quest now is to find people around who will accept me for who I am rather than for a cookie cutter Utahan. Hopefully if you are reading this, than that is you.

Also, a note to my great friends who I have failed to be a good friend to, please forgive me. With change comes heartache, and sometimes the people I want to be close to, are the ones that I don't want to see me in pain.

What a WICkED life!

So I am a little crazy for a few things. One of these things would be a good musical. As I was listening to the soundtrack of Wicked, a few things stood out as things I felt good about. Here are some lyrics.

Dancing through life is a fun song that is not 100% in sync with my views, but really sometimes, shouldn't we just live and not worry???

The trouble with school is
They always try to teach the wrong lesson
Believe me, I've been kicked out
Of enough of them to know
They want you to become less callow
Less shallow
But I say: why invite stress in?
Stop studying strife
And learn to live "the unexamined life":

Dancing through life
Skimming the surface
Gliding where turf is smooth
Life's more painless
For the brainless
Why think too hard?
When it's so soothing
Dancing through life
No need to tough it
When you can sluff it off as I do
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It's just life
So keep dancing through

Dancing through life
Swaying and sweeping
And always keeping cool
Life is fraught-less
When you're thoughtless
Those who don't try
Never look foolish
Dancing through life
Mindless and careless
Make sure you're where less
Trouble is rife
Woes are fleeting
Blows are glancing
When you're dancing
Through life:

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!



I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:
And I say "world - come with me. Think of what we could
do: together."

New Years Resoulutions...

So I hate New Years. A bunch of people making commitments that most won't keep just because it is asked of them. I like Spring much more. It is a time of new beginnings naturally. Plants begin to take new life, school finishes up, people come out of their season depression. It is really just a great time. This is my new year mark. A great time to start things fresh. So I will state my goals. I only do this publicly to make it more real to me.

Goal #1: Have my freshman year of college complete my Christmas

Goal #2: Find a place to call home, no more moving every 2 months

Goal #3: Make a monthly effort to find true love. I will not set a goal of when it will be found, but at least thinking about it monthly and trying to get there is better than sitting on my rump and hoping it will find me.

So yeah, thanks people for being a sounding board for my goals ;)

STAR TREK - True Confessions of Chris

So I have to tell the world, when I was younger I LOVED LOVED Star Trek. One of my lowest moments was at 14 when I went to an actual Star Trek Convention in LA. Then I grew up, matured, and let Star Trek be nothing more than a fading happy memory. Then one of my Favorite Directors J.J. Abrams directed the best Star Trek Movie ever and I saw it last night. So for one week I am having a celebration of Star Trek on my blog. I think everyone should see it because it is great!

Friendships

So, I am known amongst some, as one who axed friends from my life randomly. This is normally me coming to terms that some of my friends are not really friends so I delete them from my phone and facebook as a way of saying Ha! I ended this friendship, not you, even though they ended the friendship unofficially long before...Anyway, that got me thinking along with a movie I watched today. It made me want all my friends in my life to support me and like me for me even if what I do seems stupid in the moment. I do have friends like this, but I also have friends who could care less about anything.

So solution is, meet new people. Become involved with my surroundings and the social world around me. Otherwise, my friends may only be coworkers and parents of Autistic Children.

If I ever seem like a friend that doesn't give my all to support you in everything you are and want to be, let me know. I am going to work on this too.

Back to blogging

So, one thing you should know about me is that I don't like to talk about my thoughts when they are still vague to me. The last few months has been full of mini discoveries that led to one major one that really started my blogging adventure. Becoming me.

I am at one of the happiest times in my life. I have stopped being restricted by what others limits set by other. Others at church, at work, and friends. I for whatever random reason believed in myself as a kid. Up until about 10th grade I was always teased. I was put down and told so many times why I wasn't good enough. The weird thing was that I never believed it. I always tried to make the world a better place, and sometimes I succeeded. I gave thousands of hours to elementary school kids that had rough home lives, and for those few hours they saw me a day, they knew they were safe and cared about. I did peer counseling for hundreds of youth and created organizations to bring people together...All by my junior year of high school.

After High School for whatever reason work became my priority. I guess the first time I was told I could be making $35 -40,000 a year managing Cold Stone's, I became distracted. I became a people pleaser at work which carried over into friendships and everything else. Somehow Life fast forwarded 8 years and all my goals bit the dust.

The last year I have started remembering who I used to be and who I want to be...I guess I made the choice to be that person and great things are happening.

I start my B.S. in Human Services Program on Monday, I have a job I finally love and can see my self at forever, I don't feel like I have to be something other than myself for my friends. I am willing to walk away when I need to and stay when I want to.

Life is good. Here's to making the world a better place :)