Independence

Not only only is it the starting place for every one's favorite computer game Oregon Trail, but it is also something that many of us strive for. If you are anything like me, being independent is something important, or at least I thought it was until lately.



I looked up what the word Independence means.



"freedom from the control...of others"



Oh how nice does that sound. Who wants to be controlled? But there are more parts to it.



"freedom from the influence, support, aid, or the like, of others."



I like good influences in my life. I want to be able to turn to those around me for support and aid when I need it.



So I still want to be strong. I don't want to be needy. I want people to be able to look to me for support and aid as well, but not bound to that person for everything. I want to be able to live my life with out people having more control over my life than I do, but I want people around.



What am I looking for if not Independence?



I guess I don't know. What I am learning more each day is I need to feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel like there are people who like me less when I am who I am. Growing up I was mostly alone, but very much true to myself. Now I feel like I have many good friends, but I am often times a people pleaser, doing things to make others happy and leaving myself behind.



I guess what I am really looking for is me.

"I'm only a man, In a funny red sheet" Superman, Five for Fighting