Codependence

So, it is no secret that I am a child of an alcoholic...So you think I would have been codependent on my dad right? NO! I think my codependency lies with others. People who have other problems that I feed off. I feel like I am finally getting better, but not 100%. I am making a huge life change that really when all is said and done is only about my happiness. I feel so selfish saying it out loud, because I never make it all about me. Making it all about other people makes me the hero, which then in reality makes it about me in the end. I guess this is what codependency is. So, yeah, it is weird, making a selfish choice for the first time that I can remember, feels good. I guess that's because it is less selfish than trying to be every one's everything. Wow, life is good, maybe I will keep this up.

He is some info on Co dependence if anyone is trying to figure out how crazy I am... Look at the symptoms...Is that not me in almost every way?

Codependence is a pattern of detrimental, behavioral interactions within a dysfunctional relationship which is regarded as an emotional disorder, and by some as a psychological disease.^[1] In the relationship, the codependent person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition, such as drug addiction.^[2] The codependent's life gets more and more out of hand and at the end, they might become as sick as the one they are codependent on.^[3] In general, the codependent is understood to be a person who perpetuates the addiction or pathological condition of someone close to them in a way that hampers recovery. This can be done through direct control over the dependent, by making excuses for their dysfunctional behavior or relieving them of the consequences of the dependence. This is called enabling, which can have negative social and health consequences for both parties. A codependent may feel shame about, or try to change, their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with those of another person.

Contents [hide] 1 Symptoms 2 Treatment 3 Controversies 4 See also 5 References 6 Further reading 7 External Links

[edit] Symptoms

Symptoms of codependence may include controlling behavior, distrust, perfectionism, avoidance of feelings, problems with intimacy, excessive caretaking, hypervigilance, or physical illness related to stress.^[4] Codependence is often accompanied by clinical depression, as the codependent person succumbs to feelings of frustration or sadness over their inability to improve their situation.

• tendency to place the needs and wants of others first and to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own
• continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others
• anxiety and boundary distortions relating to intimacy and separation
• difficulty expressing feelings
• excessive worry how others may respond to one's feelings
• undue fear of being hurt and/or rejected by others
• self-esteem dependent on approval by others
• tendency to ignore own values and attempt to adhere to the values of others

[edit] Treatment

Individuals who are suffering from codependence may seek assistance through various therapies, sometimes accompanied by chemical therapy for accompanying depression.

In addition, there exist support groups for codependency; some of these are Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) and Al-Anon/Alateen, Celebrate Recovery, Nar-Anon, and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA), which are based on the twelve-step program model of Alcoholics Anonymous. Although the term codependency originated outside of twelve-step groups, it is now a common concept understood in many of them.^[5]

Many books have been written on the subject of codependence. Pia Melody (Facing Co-dependence) and Shirley Smith (Set yourself Free) Melody Beattie was one of the first to describe such behaviors. She is the author of Codependent No More among many other volumes.

[edit] Controversies

• The view that it is just a popular psychology concept,^[who?] codependency is also a concept in for ex Medical Subject Heading.^[6]
• Caring for an individual with a physical addiction is not synonymous with pathology. To name the caregiver as a co- alcoholic responsible for the endurance of their partner's alcoholism for example, pathologises caring behaviour. The caregiver may only require assertiveness training skills and the addict accountability in taking responsibility for managing their addiction, or not^{[7] [8]}.
• Not all mental health professionals agree about codependence or its standard methods of treatment ^[9]. It is not listed in the DSM-IV-TR diagnostic manual. Stan Katz & Liu, in "The Codependency Conspiracy: How to Break the Recovery Habit and Take Charge of Your Life," feel that codependence is over-diagnosed, and that many people who could be helped with shorter-term treatments instead become dependent on long-term self-help programs.
• Some believe that codependency is not a negative trait, and does not need to be treated, as it is more likely a healthy personality trait taken to excess. Codependency in nonclinical populations has some links with favorable characteristics of family functioning ^[10].
• The language of symptoms of and treatment for codependence derive from the medical model suggesting a disease process underlies the behaviour. There is no evidence that codependence is caused by a disease process, communicable or otherwise.
• Some frequent users of the concept codependency use the word as an alternative to use the concept dysfunctional families, without statements that classify it is a disease. ^[11]
• Not everything promoted by recovery agencies is a demonstrable scientific fact, some of it is based on fashion and faith alone ^{[12] [13]}.
• People who have experienced natural disasters, life threatening illness or accident, and personal and community tragedy have been found to perceive a benefit from the ordeal such as positive personality changes, changes in priorities and enhanced family relationships ^[14]. Caring for survivors serves a worthwhile ethic of empowerment - both for the caregiver and the survivors.

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