Does God want me?

OK so this is a negative thought and I do know the answer, but really...sometimes I wonder.

As most of my friends know, I have struggled the last few years really jumping into a ward and going to church every week. In my new place I want to try again to get involved. So where would a 25 year old go to church, a singles ward right? So I do what I am supposed to and go online to maps.lds.org. There I find that I should go to a student ward. Then I go to the student ward to find that I can't go because I am not in school. Also because of the guidelines they list on their website I feel if I miss a couple weeks of church, they will kick me out. So I try to go back online to find a singles ward, but no luck. So I go to the Family Ward. I think maybe I could fit in there, but as I look around I see no one single in my age bracket at all. So I ask the bishopric if they know where I should go to church and they refer me back to the Student ward who rejected me. I then decide to spend about an hour looking though stake web pages to find the closest singles ward to me. I call and they say that I am out of their boundaries.

No one wants me :( Maybe I will just go to the Senior Citizens Branch for kicks and giggles next week.

Christmas Miracle

This is the story of my Christmas Miracle of 2008.



After a rough year, I have not allowed myself to get very excited about Christmas, even though it is by far my favorite Holiday. I was invited to my friend's family's home to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I was a little nervous that I might be intruding and that it might be awkward. In reality it was quite the opposite.



Christmas Eve, I joined in the cooking for a Ham dinner. After dinner we played games and I felt so connected, almost as if I had the family of my dreams. We were told to go to bed and if we wanted presents from Santa, not to peak.



We woke up Christmas Morning, because I wasn't family and I didn't plan on any real presents. I got my stocking stuffers and was much grateful. Then it was time for the big presents to came out. A video camera was opened by one of the kids, clothes and gift cards by another, and then they put presents in front of me. I was surprised when I opened up camping gear (tent, air matttress, sleeping bag, and fishing pole), and then a homemade quilt by the mother. The family never asked me what I would like, and even if they had I am not sure I could have asked for presents this amazing. I love camping but have not done it for 9 years. I was grateful to be given such a gift along with a blanket full of love.



The rest of the day I continued to enjoy my time with this family. They always made me feel at home. Even when I was driving off and got stuck in the snow, they came out in numbers to help again.



To me the miracle was not the presents, the games, or even the food. It was simply one family loving another; loving me.



I may still not believe in Santa, but I do believe much more in the light and love of Christ and how it can shine through us, his followers.

Sleep

Who needs sleep.

I am falling asleep. It is Thursday at 2 am. I am working my 2nd grave shift at my new job. Comfort Inn. I worked last night and tonight with only 2 hours of sleep since Tuesday Night. what am I thinking???

Oh well, at least I can blog while I am hard working :)

Cell Phone Strike Update

First off, thank you so much for the support on this.

This may seem silly to some, but it is one step to finding myself and being me.

Sometimes I feel that phone conversations are a way for me to escape having to deal with my own thoughts. Over the last year I have not wanted to deal with my thoughts. It is easy just to talk and be with friends and hope someday problems will just go away if you don't think about them. What I have learned the last couple days is that the problems may be in the background (not going anywhere), but by not thinking about life too much, you never have the chance to ponder solutions, new goals, vision, insights, love, passions, feelings so incredibly deep and pure and full of wonder, ones that can take away all the pain of problems, bring joy to a level so unexpected, so high to give one purpose.

I kinda forgot that I love myself. I have potential to change the world.

In one day I decided to create opportunities for families to understand each other, be available to a long lost friend so he could tell me how he found the love of his life, to face rejection in the scariest form and accept it. I am growing, I am finding myself, I am remembering who I really am, even though some people will not like who that person is.

Life is good, and in this great life I am grateful for supportive friends.

Love you all!!!