The Journey - It is finally beginning

I think I found me

2009-09-26T16:11:00.000-07:00

Life is just a chance to grow a soul.

I have been on this quest to find myself. It will be ever lasting I am sure, but I feel so like I finally am living who I am supposed to be.

I have had multiple friends over the last few months as I am trying to make sure I am doing the things I need to, (i.e. going to events where I can meet people who share certain views and find potential

dates, taking time to not do anything, work when it needs to get done, and write), who have become frustrated with me. I will most likely always be a people pleaser but it is so nice to still hold on to my course rather than changing out of guilt.

One of the truths I am learning about me is that my life changes based on where I am at and what is going on around me. Almost every friend I have in my life is someone that was I spent much time with at one point or another. Normally this only lasts for a few months at a time then we go months with out hanging out. Not really something I or they choose, but the way it works. I always care for my friends even when I have gone years between talking to them.

The other truth I will post about me is that I have been keeping some of my big growth milestones on another blog. It alone has around 20 posts I think in the last month. If anyone wants the blog, send me an email and I would love to share a little more.

Lost Friends...

2009-09-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

So, it has been a birthday heavy week for me on facebook. There was a time where anyone that I considered a friend I would try to spend their birthday with them. Now my 100 some odd friends on facebook simply get a "Happy Birthday" once a year. It is weird that almost all of these people at one time or another were close friends. Now. They are just Facebook friends that get a simple yearly wish. I guess that's why I try to look at facebook as more of a directory of sorts. Just a place to say happy birthday and always a place to have contact info just in case. I am learning that people are only in your life for a time so learn as much about them and from them while you can. Someday you may find them lost.

Moving to Logan

2009-09-03T21:56:00.000-07:00

So over the last 6 months I have had the itch to get out of Utah. I felt like my life has spun a little out of control as far as balance. It has been good, but I just felt like I needed to hit the refresh button or restart. Over the last few months job offers have come and gone, but I really like where I work, so I turned them all down. The last few weeks I have been consumed with trying to help everyone I work with all the time, and really started looking at the options of changing jobs just to keep me in check. Again, not something I wanted, but needed. A couple weeks ago I heard that a position for my company opened in Logan. I do love Logan and felt so much peace about it. It felt like home just thinking about it. I was not sure if I would be able to go to Logan and stay in the same pay bracket I am in etc, etc, so I took a job offer in Salt Lake with another company. It would not have been my first choice, but it would have got the job done. When talking to some amazing people at my work, and with their ability to transfer me, I am glad to be staying with the same company. Some really good benefits... I still will be in Salt Lake area a couple days a week for school and friends I will be able to keep some involvement in the programs I started in Davis County I will have a chance to retreat to for a time to recharge and refocus with out much distraction. I don't have to start fresh at a new company. So all in all, life is good. I will move in the next few weeks and hope to find some place cheap so if anyone knows of anything, please let me know. I love you all, thanks for your support! Chris

Codependence

2009-08-30T23:12:00.000-07:00

So, it is no secret that I am a child of an alcoholic...So you think I would have been codependent on my dad right? NO! I think my codependency lies with others. People who have other problems that I feed off. I feel like I am finally getting better, but not 100%. I am making a huge life change that really when all is said and done is only about my happiness. I feel so selfish saying it out loud, because I never make it all about me. Making it all about other people makes me the hero, which then in reality makes it about me in the end. I guess this is what codependency is. So, yeah, it is weird, making a selfish choice for the first time that I can remember, feels good. I guess that's because it is less selfish than trying to be every one's everything. Wow, life is good, maybe I will keep this up.

He is some info on Co dependence if anyone is trying to figure out how crazy I am... Look at the symptoms...Is that not me in almost every way?

Codependence is a pattern of detrimental, behavioral interactions within a dysfunctional relationship which is regarded as an emotional disorder, and by some as a psychological disease.^[1] In the relationship, the codependent person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition, such as drug addiction.^[2] The codependent's life gets more and more out of hand and at the end, they might become as sick as the one they are codependent on.^[3] In general, the codependent is understood to be a person who perpetuates the addiction or pathological condition of someone close to them in a way that hampers recovery. This can be done through direct control over the dependent, by making excuses for their dysfunctional behavior or relieving them of the consequences of the dependence. This is called enabling, which can have negative social and health consequences for both parties. A codependent may feel shame about, or try to change, their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with those of another person.

[hide]

[edit] Symptoms

Symptoms of codependence may include controlling behavior, distrust, perfectionism, avoidance of feelings, problems with intimacy, excessive caretaking, hypervigilance, or physical illness related to stress.^[4] Codependence is often accompanied by clinical depression, as the codependent person succumbs to feelings of frustration or sadness over their inability to improve their situation.

tendency to place the needs and wants of others first and to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own
continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others
anxiety and boundary distortions relating to intimacy and separation
difficulty expressing feelings
excessive worry how others may respond to one's feelings
undue fear of being hurt and/or rejected by others
self-esteem dependent on approval by others
tendency to ignore own values and attempt to adhere to the values of others

[edit] Treatment

Individuals who are suffering from codependence may seek assistance through various therapies, sometimes accompanied by chemical therapy for accompanying depression.

In addition, there exist support groups for codependency; some of these are Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA) and Al-Anon/Alateen, Celebrate Recovery, Nar-Anon, and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA), which are based on the twelve-step program model of Alcoholics Anonymous. Although the term codependency originated outside of twelve-step groups, it is now a common concept understood in many of them.^[5]

Many books have been written on the subject of codependence. Pia Melody (Facing Co-dependence) and Shirley Smith (Set yourself Free) Melody Beattie was one of the first to describe such behaviors. She is the author of Codependent No More among many other volumes.

[edit] Controversies

The view that it is just a popular psychology concept,^[who?] codependency is also a concept in for ex Medical Subject Heading.^[6]
Caring for an individual with a physical addiction is not synonymous with pathology. To name the caregiver as a co- alcoholic responsible for the endurance of their partner's alcoholism for example, pathologises caring behaviour. The caregiver may only require assertiveness training skills and the addict accountability in taking responsibility for managing their addiction, or not^[7] ^[8].
Not all mental health professionals agree about codependence or its standard methods of treatment ^[9]. It is not listed in the DSM-IV-TR diagnostic manual. Stan Katz & Liu, in "The Codependency Conspiracy: How to Break the Recovery Habit and Take Charge of Your Life," feel that codependence is over-diagnosed, and that many people who could be helped with shorter-term treatments instead become dependent on long-term self-help programs.
Some believe that codependency is not a negative trait, and does not need to be treated, as it is more likely a healthy personality trait taken to excess. Codependency in nonclinical populations has some links with favorable characteristics of family functioning ^[10].
The language of symptoms of and treatment for codependence derive from the medical model suggesting a disease process underlies the behaviour. There is no evidence that codependence is caused by a disease process, communicable or otherwise.
Some frequent users of the concept codependency use the word as an alternative to use the concept dysfunctional families, without statements that classify it is a disease. ^[11]
Not everything promoted by recovery agencies is a demonstrable scientific fact, some of it is based on fashion and faith alone ^[12] ^[13].
People who have experienced natural disasters, life threatening illness or accident, and personal and community tragedy have been found to perceive a benefit from the ordeal such as positive personality changes, changes in priorities and enhanced family relationships ^[14]. Caring for survivors serves a worthwhile ethic of empowerment - both for the caregiver and the survivors.

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Secret Blog

2009-08-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

So why do I blog. It is an easy way for me to put together random thoughts...and then let go. I can't begin to say how many blogs I have wrote and then deleted because I am afraid someone might read it and get the wrong idea. I want people to know me better, to understand me, so why do I feel a need to keep a blog just to journal in. Would a journal not serve the same purpose? Maybe I just write these random blogs that i delete in hopes that I will click publish and people might really know how I feel, with no regrets.

So here is my not so secret blog that I should keep to myself...See next blog...

What to do with life...

2009-08-23T22:08:00.000-07:00

I feel like the only way to get my job done is to work an insane amount of hours. I want a life, and to do school, and to keep my great job. How do I do it all? Any ideas world?

This thing we call life

2009-08-20T23:40:00.001-07:00

So It is 12:40 am and I am still not even close to heading to bed. Here are some random bullet points of my life:

I work like crazy, but love the work I do like crazy more

I have a cool roommate, I feel partly like I am back on the mission

I had my first real crush and it lasted 2 days...Don't ask

I feel closer to God and have peace in my life more than ever.

I am becoming me again, and some love that, some don't but it feels good to make that choice.

I used 6800 minutes on my cell last month. Maybe another cell phone strike is needed?

The more I learn, the more I know I know less.

Every day I go to work, I am more dedicated to finding better ways of helping people with Autism.

I don't spend enough time with my friends, but I want to more.

I also need new friends.

Me and my mom may fly to Vegas to see "LOVE", it would be the first time in 14 years we have gone on vacation together.

Well, the thoughts just stopped flying, so that's good for tonight. Maybe I will write a blog where I try to be insightful again someday. For now this is all you get ;)

A more libral UT

2009-07-05T18:28:00.000-07:00

So lately I have been having a desire to move far away from "Zion". It just stopped feeling like home like it once did.

BUT!!! To make things clear, I do not plan on moving. I have just decided that I need to make Utah feel like home again.

Home to me...Home is a place I feel accepted. I think I felt so accepted in Utah for so long is because I was an all star Mormon. Active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints feel very accepted in Utah. The hard thing for me now is that I believe God wants more for me than just being a member of a church. I believe he wants me to use my talents to help all kinds of people around me.

Church may not be my whole life anymore, but know I still know God and love Him. I also know he loves me.

My quest now is to find people around who will accept me for who I am rather than for a cookie cutter Utahan. Hopefully if you are reading this, than that is you.

Also, a note to my great friends who I have failed to be a good friend to, please forgive me. With change comes heartache, and sometimes the people I want to be close to, are the ones that I don't want to see me in pain.

What a WICkED life!

2009-06-07T20:52:00.000-07:00

So I am a little crazy for a few things. One of these things would be a good musical. As I was listening to the soundtrack of Wicked, a few things stood out as things I felt good about. Here are some lyrics.

Dancing through life is a fun song that is not 100% in sync with my views, but really sometimes, shouldn't we just live and not worry???

The trouble with school is
They always try to teach the wrong lesson
Believe me, I've been kicked out
Of enough of them to know
They want you to become less callow
Less shallow
But I say: why invite stress in?
Stop studying strife
And learn to live "the unexamined life":

Dancing through life
Skimming the surface
Gliding where turf is smooth
Life's more painless
For the brainless
Why think too hard?
When it's so soothing
Dancing through life
No need to tough it
When you can sluff it off as I do
Nothing matters
But knowing nothing matters
It's just life
So keep dancing through

Dancing through life
Swaying and sweeping
And always keeping cool
Life is fraught-less
When you're thoughtless
Those who don't try
Never look foolish
Dancing through life
Mindless and careless
Make sure you're where less
Trouble is rife
Woes are fleeting
Blows are glancing
When you're dancing
Through life:

Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:
And I say "world - come with me. Think of what we could
do: together."

New Years Resoulutions...

2009-05-25T16:07:00.000-07:00

So I hate New Years. A bunch of people making commitments that most won't keep just because it is asked of them. I like Spring much more. It is a time of new beginnings naturally. Plants begin to take new life, school finishes up, people come out of their season depression. It is really just a great time. This is my new year mark. A great time to start things fresh. So I will state my goals. I only do this publicly to make it more real to me.

Goal #1: Have my freshman year of college complete my Christmas

Goal #2: Find a place to call home, no more moving every 2 months

Goal #3: Make a monthly effort to find true love. I will not set a goal of when it will be found, but at least thinking about it monthly and trying to get there is better than sitting on my rump and hoping it will find me.

So yeah, thanks people for being a sounding board for my goals ;)

STAR TREK - True Confessions of Chris

2009-05-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

So I have to tell the world, when I was younger I LOVED LOVED Star Trek. One of my lowest moments was at 14 when I went to an actual Star Trek Convention in LA. Then I grew up, matured, and let Star Trek be nothing more than a fading happy memory. Then one of my Favorite Directors J.J. Abrams directed the best Star Trek Movie ever and I saw it last night. So for one week I am having a celebration of Star Trek on my blog. I think everyone should see it because it is great!

Friendships

2009-05-09T16:47:00.000-07:00

So, I am known amongst some, as one who axed friends from my life randomly. This is normally me coming to terms that some of my friends are not really friends so I delete them from my phone and facebook as a way of saying Ha! I ended this friendship, not you, even though they ended the friendship unofficially long before...Anyway, that got me thinking along with a movie I watched today. It made me want all my friends in my life to support me and like me for me even if what I do seems stupid in the moment. I do have friends like this, but I also have friends who could care less about anything.

So solution is, meet new people. Become involved with my surroundings and the social world around me. Otherwise, my friends may only be coworkers and parents of Autistic Children.

If I ever seem like a friend that doesn't give my all to support you in everything you are and want to be, let me know. I am going to work on this too.

Back to blogging

2009-05-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

So, one thing you should know about me is that I don't like to talk about my thoughts when they are still vague to me. The last few months has been full of mini discoveries that led to one major one that really started my blogging adventure. Becoming me.

I am at one of the happiest times in my life. I have stopped being restricted by what others limits set by other. Others at church, at work, and friends. I for whatever random reason believed in myself as a kid. Up until about 10th grade I was always teased. I was put down and told so many times why I wasn't good enough. The weird thing was that I never believed it. I always tried to make the world a better place, and sometimes I succeeded. I gave thousands of hours to elementary school kids that had rough home lives, and for those few hours they saw me a day, they knew they were safe and cared about. I did peer counseling for hundreds of youth and created organizations to bring people together...All by my junior year of high school.

After High School for whatever reason work became my priority. I guess the first time I was told I could be making $35 -40,000 a year managing Cold Stone's, I became distracted. I became a people pleaser at work which carried over into friendships and everything else. Somehow Life fast forwarded 8 years and all my goals bit the dust.

The last year I have started remembering who I used to be and who I want to be...I guess I made the choice to be that person and great things are happening.

I start my B.S. in Human Services Program on Monday, I have a job I finally love and can see my self at forever, I don't feel like I have to be something other than myself for my friends. I am willing to walk away when I need to and stay when I want to.

Life is good. Here's to making the world a better place :)

Does God want me?

2008-12-29T15:31:00.001-08:00

OK so this is a negative thought and I do know the answer, but really...sometimes I wonder.

As most of my friends know, I have struggled the last few years really jumping into a ward and going to church every week. In my new place I want to try again to get involved. So where would a 25 year old go to church, a singles ward right? So I do what I am supposed to and go online to maps.lds.org. There I find that I should go to a student ward. Then I go to the student ward to find that I can't go because I am not in school. Also because of the guidelines they list on their website I feel if I miss a couple weeks of church, they will kick me out. So I try to go back online to find a singles ward, but no luck. So I go to the Family Ward. I think maybe I could fit in there, but as I look around I see no one single in my age bracket at all. So I ask the bishopric if they know where I should go to church and they refer me back to the Student ward who rejected me. I then decide to spend about an hour looking though stake web pages to find the closest singles ward to me. I call and they say that I am out of their boundaries.

No one wants me :( Maybe I will just go to the Senior Citizens Branch for kicks and giggles next week.

Christmas Miracle

2008-12-26T15:33:00.000-08:00

This is the story of my Christmas Miracle of 2008.

After a rough year, I have not allowed myself to get very excited about Christmas, even though it is by far my favorite Holiday. I was invited to my friend's family's home to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I was a little nervous that I might be intruding and that it might be awkward. In reality it was quite the opposite.

Christmas Eve, I joined in the cooking for a Ham dinner. After dinner we played games and I felt so connected, almost as if I had the family of my dreams. We were told to go to bed and if we wanted presents from Santa, not to peak.

We woke up Christmas Morning, because I wasn't family and I didn't plan on any real presents. I got my stocking stuffers and was much grateful. Then it was time for the big presents to came out. A video camera was opened by one of the kids, clothes and gift cards by another, and then they put presents in front of me. I was surprised when I opened up camping gear (tent, air matttress, sleeping bag, and fishing pole), and then a homemade quilt by the mother. The family never asked me what I would like, and even if they had I am not sure I could have asked for presents this amazing. I love camping but have not done it for 9 years. I was grateful to be given such a gift along with a blanket full of love.

The rest of the day I continued to enjoy my time with this family. They always made me feel at home. Even when I was driving off and got stuck in the snow, they came out in numbers to help again.

To me the miracle was not the presents, the games, or even the food. It was simply one family loving another; loving me.

I may still not believe in Santa, but I do believe much more in the light and love of Christ and how it can shine through us, his followers.

Sleep

2008-12-05T00:50:00.000-08:00

Who needs sleep.

I am falling asleep. It is Thursday at 2 am. I am working my 2nd grave shift at my new job. Comfort Inn. I worked last night and tonight with only 2 hours of sleep since Tuesday Night. what am I thinking???

Oh well, at least I can blog while I am hard working :)

Cell Phone Strike Update

2008-12-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

First off, thank you so much for the support on this.

This may seem silly to some, but it is one step to finding myself and being me.

Sometimes I feel that phone conversations are a way for me to escape having to deal with my own thoughts. Over the last year I have not wanted to deal with my thoughts. It is easy just to talk and be with friends and hope someday problems will just go away if you don't think about them. What I have learned the last couple days is that the problems may be in the background (not going anywhere), but by not thinking about life too much, you never have the chance to ponder solutions, new goals, vision, insights, love, passions, feelings so incredibly deep and pure and full of wonder, ones that can take away all the pain of problems, bring joy to a level so unexpected, so high to give one purpose.

I kinda forgot that I love myself. I have potential to change the world.

In one day I decided to create opportunities for families to understand each other, be available to a long lost friend so he could tell me how he found the love of his life, to face rejection in the scariest form and accept it. I am growing, I am finding myself, I am remembering who I really am, even though some people will not like who that person is.

Life is good, and in this great life I am grateful for supportive friends.

Love you all!!!

Cell Phone Strike!!!

2008-11-30T19:20:00.000-08:00

So I did some really sad math today. I looked at my minutes for November on my T-Mobile Account and I have exceeded 5,000 in a month. Not only am I getting brain cancer but I am also spending 18% of my taking life on the phone.

I am now trying to imagine if I just had 1/2 of that time back. That would be about 42 extra hours a month to live. 10 hours a week. Maybe 5 of those hours a week could go to community service, 2 could go to keeping my life organized, and 30 minutes a day could go to exercise. 3 big goals could be met in my life just by changing one priority. It doesn't mean I will no longer have friends as a priority, it just means talk to them less on the phone. Will my extra time I can email them, text, facebook, spend time with, and build better, stronger, more rounded friendships. Kinda like normal people do :)

So back to the title , "Cell Phone Strike".

I am going to give my little phone a break. For one week I will not use my phone as a way to "talk". I will use it for work, directions, texting, emergencies, email, and that's it.

I will blog the results and log my usage of my new found time. After this strike, I will go back to using my phone to talk on occasion, but no more 5000 minute months.

Wish me luck and hope I don't go through major withdrawals. Do they have detox for something like this?

Quotes

2008-11-24T23:03:00.000-08:00

Ben Stein
from Motivational Quotes of the Day
"I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my duty...This is my highest and best use as a human."

Amy Bloom
from Motivational Quotes of the Day
"Intimacy is being seen and known as the person you truly are."

Paul Graham
from Motivational Quotes of the Day
"Nerds don't just happen to dress informally. They do it too consistently. Consciously or not, they dress informally as a prophylactic measure against stupidity."

Strength

2008-11-24T08:11:00.000-08:00

Since I found so much insight in one word yesterday, I decided to figure out what another word meant to me.

strength n.
1. The state, property, or quality of being strong.
2. The power to resist attack; impregnability.
3. The power to resist strain or stress; durability.
4. The ability to maintain a moral or intellectual position firmly.
5. Capacity or potential for effective action: a show of strength.

1. The state, property, or quality of being strong.

I obviously would like to be a little more buff, bench like 1000 lbs, maybe even lift a bus, but for whatever reason, this is not my first priority when I think of building my own strength.

2. The power to resist attack; impregnability.

I think I have always felt under attack. Growing up, I felt perfection was my only measure I was allowed to live up to. That has carried into adulthood where I still feel completely under attack when I am not perfect. Who is really attacking me now though. Only myself. How do I become strong and resist attack. Find peace with in myself. Know that sometimes things are okay when everything seems not okay.

3. The power to resist strain or stress; durability.

Being durable, growing a tough skin, take punches, turn the other cheek. All things I don't like to do. I love to run. Moving and changing jobs are two of my favorite hobbies. I feel that if I just live somewhere new or change my line of work things will work out. Maybe if I make things work out with my job and where I live, everything else will work out?

4. The ability to maintain a moral or intellectual position firmly.

Being spiritually Strong. Sometimes I get so stressed with church or with culture, or life that I feel that means I have to give up spiritually. Being active in church and being spiritual ARE two separate things. I would have never started going to church if I didn't start to grow spiritually. I guess it is time to start from a seed again and grow some spiritually.

5. Capacity or potential for effective action: a show of strength.

From age 11-17 I really knew I would change the world. I really was going to in a big way. Now I am content in not messing it up too much more. I want to again have the capacity and potential to change the world. To make it a better place. Comfort those in need of comfort.

Independence

2008-11-23T16:44:00.000-08:00

Not only only is it the starting place for every one's favorite computer game Oregon Trail, but it is also something that many of us strive for. If you are anything like me, being independent is something important, or at least I thought it was until lately.

I looked up what the word Independence means.

"freedom from the control...of others"

Oh how nice does that sound. Who wants to be controlled? But there are more parts to it.

"freedom from the influence, support, aid, or the like, of others."

I like good influences in my life. I want to be able to turn to those around me for support and aid when I need it.

So I still want to be strong. I don't want to be needy. I want people to be able to look to me for support and aid as well, but not bound to that person for everything. I want to be able to live my life with out people having more control over my life than I do, but I want people around.

What am I looking for if not Independence?

I guess I don't know. What I am learning more each day is I need to feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel like there are people who like me less when I am who I am. Growing up I was mostly alone, but very much true to myself. Now I feel like I have many good friends, but I am often times a people pleaser, doing things to make others happy and leaving myself behind.

I guess what I am really looking for is me.

"I'm only a man, In a funny red sheet" Superman, Five for Fighting

Friends

2008-11-17T22:56:00.000-08:00

I am a little bit tired and starting this blog in the final minutes of my birthday so this will be short.

I just want to send out to the world how great my friends are!

I am so dang lucky!

Tonight was especially good. Brian and Julie made me a cake that was the cutest thing I have ever seen.

Other Friends who made this years birthday special...

Rich and Tashina + their families, Camille, Becky, and Ethan, Beth, Allyson, Ashley, RISE Team, Rachel, Marina, Marie, Chad, Alisha, Kevin, Laura, Josh, Kiely, Andrea, and Jenn Jam.

Thanks to everyone! I love you tons!

Commentary on Prop 8 from a friend

2008-11-11T10:08:00.000-08:00

One of my friends sent me this email. I wanted to post it because I thought it was very worth while to read.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Friends,

I am writing to address the increasing concern over reaction to the church over prop 8 in California. I just want to send out my perspective into the world and hopefully it will give people a different view point.

I first want people to know that I have a firm testimony of Jesus Christ,His Restored Church, Joseph Smith, inspired leaders and especially a Prophet of God who leads us under the personal guidance of the Savior. I know I am a son of God.
The next thing you should know about me is I struggle with same sex attraction. Some people would say that means I'm gay. Many people today would say because of how I feel I should be out protesting temple square, fighting for gay rights, and leaving the church. To this I simply go back to my testimony, and that leads me to my thoughts...

It appears in the world and even in the church, people are losing focus of what is right and what is wrong. Some advocate that people are people, they should be treated equally (instead of fairly), and all should have the same life, no matter what their choices. My thoughts are this simple regarding same sex marriage. If people choose to live a lifestyle that goes against the majority of religions, they should choose a union created by man and not God and the majority of religions. Marriage, a sacred covenant, should be between a man and a woman.

On the other hand, in God's Kingdom, I am seeing some ignorance and almost hate towards people we may not understand. We sometimes look down on people with out knowing where they came from or what brought them to this point.

So what can we do?

Let's come together and learn. Let us build each other up. Let us pray for stronger testimonies and follow the Savior.

Here is a great link that I would love for everyone to read. I think it will give you some great council from Elder Oaks on Same Gender Attraction.

http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/public-issues/same-gender-attraction

One closing ramble. Many feel unsettled in these times and that evil and wickedness are all around us. On my way to work this morning, I looked up to the cloud covered mountains and felt a tender mercy from the Lord. It was as though he created a special piece of artwork just for me. I testify that God is all around us if we look. He loves us, his Children. In this time of trouble, we are not being asked to abandon our temples or to die for the truth, but simply to have faith in God and trust him.

With all the love in my heart I plead that we may all become a Zion people,

-Name Withheld

Ever feel a little disconnected from the world?

2008-09-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

So, I am at work waiting for an appointment to arrive (knowing it most likely will not show), and I check out facebook, which leads me to a friends blog, which leads me to this great and random urge to click on the "next blog" at the top of my friends blog. It allowed me to feel a little closer to my world as I came across so many blogs from other countries. Some I was only able to look at the amazing pictures from around the world, some would have a poem in English and the rest of the text in Dutch, and some were from right here in our own back yard. I stumbled across a blog by a third grade class, and there was a picture of a teacher kissing a cow. I ran into one that was all on semi conductors which was neat for the simple fact that the author was excited about what he wrote and what he does.

In this time where the media says we should be so sad, take a minute and look around at how happy we are and how great life can be.

The Vespa: Scooter Riding 101

2008-06-28T12:33:00.001-07:00

Every boy reaches a time in his life where he finds that special someone. When he sees her, his hear flutters, a smile comes, and he knows she is the one. On the flip side though, she can also cause much trouble, like all girls can.

This story is about my love Bell. Bell is a brand new 2007 Vespa 150 LX. She is named after and Ice Cream from down south (Blue Bell), and she has won my heart. I try to take her everywhere and we are very close when we go riding. Anyway, this post is being Co-Authored by Bell and I so we can share our stories with you.

First off Bell is very tight with money. She will only buy a gallon and and a half of gas for herself at a time, but she will make that stretch to 120 miles. I am learning that even though Bell seems to cost a lot per month she helps me to save even more.

Bell prefers her boys to be humble. I like to show off what a great girl I ride around with my waving and honking to friends as I drive off. As I did this leaving Justin and Emily's house, Bell almost shoved me into the ground as she made me lose my balance. What a nerd I am :) Bell forgave though

Bell has also taught me a lot about appearance. We were riding home the other night from Justin's house, I had some kids hanging out of their parents SUV. First off kids buckle up and keep your hand, arms, legs, and upper body inside the vehicle at all times. Anyway...They are talking to us, well actually me, and not Bell, and say Hey! Scooter! and repeat. Why are they calling me Scooter. It just helped me to see that one is judged not for who they are, but for what they look like and who they Roll with.

Always listen to the girl on directions. That same night I didn't plan ahead on where to go. Bell was very nervous. We went though the Ghetto West side of the freeway in Salt Lake. I was thinking if I was in a car this would be no problem, roll up the windows lock the doors and all would be ok. Not this time. Instead all I could do was zip up my backpack, tighten my helmet, and pray.

Heaven's Lessons in Life's Darkest Corners

2008-06-24T21:55:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had one of those trials...Like those really big trials like dang it, my car is dying and I don't have money to keep it on life support, or I got fired from my dream job because of something that wasn't my fault. The word on the street is those things come in sets of 3. Well in 6 days I got 2 full sets of 3 of those things.

Here are I am in the deepest pit of my despair (so I think) at trial #1 and I ask for a blessing from my Bishop. I am promised through the priesthood that trial #1 is to prepare me for much harder trials in my life. The next 24 hours brought trials #2-5. I have never felt more hopelessness in my life than at this point.

Through this time of depression, my friends came out in force to love me and protect me.

Lesson #1 I have friends who care about me

If you really know me, or even kinda know me, you are aware of how negative I can be. I sometimes convince myself I am all alone. It was super neat to see how many great friends are there for me in a moments notice.

Lesson # 2 Joy Comes from work (not a job)

There was a time where I was very proud of my work ethic. Heck I worked at wireless city for 60 hours a week hours which left no chance of having a life. Even greater than that, I work as a field consultant starting my days at 7 am and often times going till 1 am 7 days a week. Both of these jobs lacked joy. The Field Consultant Job lacked joy because I didn't have to work spiritually. I was virtually free from temptation, and the happiness that comes from overcoming it. Wireless City was lacking because I did nothing which brought much temptation and no rewards of any work.

Although my trials were great, I was so happy as I survived them. I worked hard, endured, and made it through.

This on top of having a 8-4 type job (working less hours than I have since high school), that I run all day after great kids, and see the joy in peoples lives that have far less than I, helped me to get through a week that I alone was not capable of.

Lesson # 3: The atonement work different on me than I thought.

When I read the poem footsteps, I think, wow, I will be lifted up during the hard times and it will be easy, because He will just do everything for me. Wrong!

The Savior uses the atonement by allowing me experiences he has had to teach me. He knew that if I had not had six major trials, I might not have grown stronger on one smaller, much more long term meaningful trial.

This really has been a great week, and I am thankful for it...But I am ok with a break from things major for a while :)

Okay, a little late to start blogging, but here I am.

2008-06-23T18:46:00.000-07:00

So what does one write on a blog. I have my friend Brian that writes really fun and random stories that make one laugh. I have a friend Beth, who shares insights and life news.

Wiki says "A blog (an abridgment of the term web log) is a website, usually maintained by an individual, with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse chronological order. "Blog" can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog."

I think I will use this to share my highs and lows, joys and pains, lessons learned and lost. I guess I can just go from there.